i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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