Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize