i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
