Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
