I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
