dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
