Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
