I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
