Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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