I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
