what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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