I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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