Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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