can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
