great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
