just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
