So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
