Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
