I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
