Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize