I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
