hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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