I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
