1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
