tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
