By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
