I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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