When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
