Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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