Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
