she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
