hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
