Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
