I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
