Just cropdusted the office
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
