You're my little dorito
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
