He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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