Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
