ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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