Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
