I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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