fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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