Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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