I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
