We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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