I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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