I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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