you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
