So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's always time for handjobs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
