nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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