guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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