like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The best revenge is premature balding
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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