she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
