that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
