kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
