i don't like sucking hair
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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