my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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