she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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