i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
