he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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