Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
be right there i have to get my cape
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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