Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need water and some morals
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
