Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
