Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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