I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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