While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
