how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize