life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
