and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
