She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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