"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
