I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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